bathroom renovation

Well, that would be my dream, but instead I'll settle for a few new accessories. I love our little home and am so thankful for the affordable rent, but some of the fixtures really leave something to be desired. I've tried multiple things to liven up our bathroom but none have really done the trick. This is our bathroom as it stands now--sadly this is actually scores better than what it looked like when we moved in.

We replaced the light fixture and the shelf below the mirror, plus added the medicine cabinet above the toilet for added storage and painted the vanity white.

I added a strip of thin molding and painted below it white to make the illusion of grand thick molding along the bottom of the wall. We also replaced the old vinyl tile.

I picked out the boring white shower curtain when I was sick and pregnant and couldn't make a decision but it does very little for the room

In this little pictures from my phone the bathroom actually looks better than it does in real life but it's still not the best! The good news: I have plans. Blair gave me the OK to buy some new towels--I love our towels but they are getting ratty and the same kind went on clearance at BB&B. I picked up a new set in my favorite blue color which will match the new shower curtain that I'll get soon, pictured below:

Though our budget is tight, on my wish list are these new accessories from target: a soap pump and tumbler in powdered bronze, plus new shower curtain hooks in the same finish.

I have already bought paint that is a brown somewhere in between camel and a starbucks latte. This will be a great backdrop to our blue towels! Then all we need is to take down that half-sized mirror and replace it with one that goes all the way down to the sink. I've also been keeping my eye on Craigslist for a new vanity, ours is pretty hideous close up, stained and chipped and the bottom is falling out! Hopefully I'll find a good deal soon and we can nab it.

So... these are my dreams. It may take months or years but someday I will make this bathroom into the beauty I have in my mind! I'll post pictures as the transformation takes hold. Hopefully this summer (aka soon) when Blair is home more and can watch Ava I can get the painting done and replace the mirror. I'm so excited! This sort of thing DEFINITELY energizes me.

Fresh Tea

I made iced tea yesterday and am enjoying my first refreshing glass while Ava naps. A combination of English Teatime and Mint Medley steeping for most of the day... delicious.

I have been feeling rather refreshed this week since returning from my mom's; even though it was tiring I think it gave me the boost I was needing. It's amazing how much a change of scenery can give you energy when sleep won't. I'm still struggling with feeling tired all the time but it's manageable and good to know I'm sharing the company of most mom's out there.

I wanted to share the list I came up with while I was away last weekend, my ideas for ways to energize myself during the day. Here are my thoughts:

1) Wake up before Ava and do yoga, even if just for a few minutes.

2) Sit outside during her naps when it's nice out.

3) Find things to do WITH Ava that are good for me like developing an exercise routine that she can be part of in the afternoon.

4) Plan ahead for healthy and "put together" (not thrown together) lunches and snacks that I can look forward to and will give me energy for the day. Do prep at night or during naps. Ideas: Chicken salad with grapes on lettuce and veggies, Tuna with fruit & veggies, Grilled sandwiches and soup, Chili with cornbread muffins, Taco salad with chicken and veggies.

5) Use Ava's AM nap (while Blair is still home) to go out-- go to Starbucks, go for a walk, or have a quiet time.

6) Set specific days for cleaning and laundry so it's not always on the to-do list.

7) Cook/bake more. Try new mini recipes for desserts, snacks and breakfasts. Ideas: banana bread, cinnamon rolls, homemade fruit leather or granola.

8) Make a comprehensive list of meal ideas for different occasions, sides, snacks, etc for easy and quick planning. Weed out the recipes that I never use to simplify my recipe book.

9) Take the time to get more at Sam's Club so I have less to get at the grocery store when a quick trip is in order.

These are my thoughts, we'll see how it pans out. So far the lunch thing has been wonderful, I've had chicken salad and veggies everyday this week and it's been summery and delicious. Today I had leftover pizza and pepsi and I'm definitely feeling the difference in my energy and my attitude! Food really can lift your spirits when you're eating something that's well balanced, looks pretty and tastes great (especially when it involves just slicing a few veggies and scooping something out of a tupperware). I am far from a health-food fanatic but as I get older and energy isn't as abundant as it once was, I'm learning the worth of good nutrition and doing whatever it takes to feel my best.

I'm still alive!

For those following, I'm still here! I had a bad cold two weeks ago and then spent four days at my mom's this past weekend. I've been busy and tired but hanging in there, it was good to get away this weekend and get a change of scenery. I'm still trying hard to take care of myself, rest when I'm tired and do things that energize me. I also got a little bit of alone time over the weekend to journal and jot down some ideas for the two things I've been trying to think about (and blogged about) these last few weeks. I'll share those soon but tonight: cleaning up in preparation for watching my friends son here tomorrow and making some food for Ava!

Side note: Today I made chicken salad and it made me happy! I had a beautiful lunch of chicken salad atop lettuce leaves and tomatoes. It was delicious. One of my ideas for how to energize myself more during the day is to take the time and energy to plan for and prepare good lunches, dinners (when I'm alone for dinner) and snacks so that I have a meal to look forward to and have plenty of fuel for the day. Plus, I love to cook so that time prepping is an added bonus. It's hard, today I didn't eat lunch until maybe 1:30 but it was worth the wait to get a really good meal in instead of a quick sandwich or leftovers. Victory!

Wanted: A Day Off

A year into this mom thing I'm realizing what a toll it takes to not have a day off. Other jobs you get to leave at the end of the day or at least at some point during the week but this one you don't! It's a joy and a constant energy user-uper. For the last few days I've been totally exhausted, feeling icky and achy and all I wanted was to take a nap (not a ten minute snooze before Ava wakes up, a REAL, take your pants off and sleep until you wake up nap). Thankfully, today I'm feeling a little bit better and Blair has given me a little time "off". Before Ava's afternoon nap (which she's taking now) Blair fed Ava while I did laundry (yes this is what I did with some of my time off) and then played with her while I went through the Starbucks drive-thru. Though not a long time off, it's still nice to know that she's not my responsibility for an hour. I've learned to take this time off in snapshots, teaspoons if you will--not totally satisfying but enough to give me a taste of relaxation. I've gotten better (though not great) at detaching more quickly so that I can enjoy more of my 37 minutes alone, totally without kid thoughts, instead of spending the first 30 minutes wondering if she's eating well and had her diaper changed and then spending the last 7 minutes driving home. This is a very developed skill I'm learning, an art even. The art of finding your center while stripping the beds of their sheets and learning to tune out the squeals from the kitchen and pretending you're really "alone".

I'm beginning to wonder now whether I'll ever arrive at having mastered this mom-thing. I'm thinking, just like with everything else, it is a constant negotiation, learn, change, re-learn and accept this slightly crazy life. As soon as I figure out how to make this schedule work for me and how to fit myself into it, it will change and I will have to change with it. I've been struggling these last couple months with feeling entitled, like it's "just not ok with me" to not have any time to myself or to have to give up this or that. Though there is truth in the importance of making yourself a priority, in whatever way that looks like to keep you sain and grounded, there's another part in which I'm entitled to nothing and deserve nothing. I can't demand anything of Blair, of Ava, of my life, only ask and then lean on Jesus for my needs. Though my next thought is usually, "I don't have time to lean on Jesus!"... this is one of those things that I'm realizing too. Leaning on Jesus doesn't take place during a quiet time, it happens amidst the chaos and takes just a whisper and a thought. That I can do.

So, today though I'm still feeling pretty overworked, underpaid (ha), and in need of a break, I'm thankful for the little snippets of time I do get to myself. I'm thankful that even though it feels like Blair works 24/7 I have a husband who loves me and who is a wonderful father and who IS around to help when I really need it. And I'm thankful that God won't give me more than I can handle, that I can handle a lot more than I thought I could, and that he's given me a brain capable of finding some pretty creative ways to find the release I need. I think I'm going to spend a little time in the next couple of days coming up with some ways to practically fit more things into my days that energize me. We'll see what I come up with! As I've begun thinking about it, this is a great exercise for learning more about yourself. Especially when the task is to find practical, everyday things that take less than 15 minutes (aka not playing a sport or going shopping, etc). I'll share my list later and you all (all 4 of you!) can learn a little more about me too.

It's Easter?

I feel like Easter has snuck up on me this year, I've spent almost zero time thinking about it this week and that makes me sad. The snippets I have gotten have been good though and I am still so thankful for what this holiday means. Even in the busyness of having a one-year-old, I've had numerous moments this past week, watching her be-bop around without a care in the world, where I felt so grateful that Jesus died so that my little girl might spend eternity with him. What an exciting and terrifying thought. I now am not only thankful for my own salvation but for the potential salvation of my daughter and it makes Christ's sacrifice that much more real and urgent for me. Thank you Jesus.

Today is a gorgeous day outside but I am feeling pretty yucky. I'm not sure what's up but I'm exhausted and my tummy isn't feeling 100%. Blair is working all day so it's just me--not ideal when I'm not feeling my best but I'm hanging in there and praying that Ava takes a long afternoon nap (which by the way, she is not). It takes a whole new strength on these days that God must bestow upon mom's at the birth of their child. All I want to do is take a three hour nap and do nothing for the rest of the day, but instead I will make lunch and dinner, clean up, play outside, change diapers, read stories and exert a lot of energy I don't have. It's wonderful though in a way--this day without Ava would have been a real downer. With her, it is hard but a neat look at what I can do, not what I can't, and it's amazing to see the energy she actually gives to me instead of just takes out of me. I might feel differently the first time I'm actually REALLY sick and home alone with her, but today God's given me grace.

On the subject of sick, it is amazing to me that I've been so healthy since she was born. Let's just stop for a moment and praise God for that. I think you all know but I got very sick around this time three years ago, I was hospitalized after having two back-to-back stomach viruses and never recovered. I lost a lot of weight, was very weak, and did very little but sleep and lie in bed feeling awful. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, an autoimmune disease called Sjogren's Syndrome, chronic migraines and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I was constantly very nauseous, had panic attacks, a lot of pain, muscle weakness, brain fog... I was out of commission. I missed weddings, almost never went out and when I did usually ended up crying in public, and I couldn't shower on the same day I had to do something else because the shower alone would exhaust me too much. Even as I write this I forget how bad it was. I remember months of sitting in the bathroom with Blair, sobbing because I wanted to badly to just throw up and get the nauseous feeling to go away.

I am recounting these details only in order to help you all understand what a complete miracle it is that I am healthy today. We consulted many doctors before getting pregnant and they eventually said, you may as well just start having kids because you may never get better. That was hard news to hear and it was hard to think of how we would raise a family with me so sick, but we wanted to move forward. So I got pregnant. All of my doctor's also said I would probably feel better while I was pregnant and get worse after I had the baby... that of course was not true for me. I felt awful pregnant, I had some good days but mostly felt horrible. But then, on March 14th, my water broke and my body got the jump start it needed. By God's grace and miracle-working hands I made it through 14 hours of difficult labor, pushed that baby out and haven't felt sick since (I mean really sick). For the first 6 weeks or so I kept waking up every day thinking I would feel sick again... waiting. But it never came. After awhile I stopped waiting and started celebrating and I now can't explain to you how thankful I am that I've had the energy to raise and enjoy my daughter.

Through all this though, even a year later, I still have anxiety when I feel a little sick. Is this the day? Is it all coming back? I've realized I have to just not think about it, I have to be thankful for the days I've had and pray that God will continue to bless me with health. So, today, I'll be thankful that even though I feel under the weather, I have enough energy to get out of bed and do what I need to do. Thank you Jesus for my health, for my family, for the sunshine and for saving me in many ways.