Last night was the first night I didn't breastfeed Ava before bed and it was one of the hardest things I've had to do (emotionally) since becoming a mom! We had friends over (thank you Em and Erin for your support) which was a good distraction but I was weepy all night. Ava did pretty well, but she fussed a little through her sippy cup of cow's milk and during book time wanted to be with me and was pulling down my shirt. She definitely wanted to feed but despite a little crying when we put her down, she fell asleep quickly and slept through the night. Thank the Lord because if she'd really cried I might have given in!
Everything in my body was screaming, "You're making a big mistake! Start breastfeeding her all over again!" and for the first time I (almost) understood why there are women who breastfeed their eleven-year-olds. There's nothing like that connection, being able to simultaneously and perfectly nourish, calm and be intimate with your baby, and for me the physical feeling of producing milk made me feel so alive. It feels so unnatural today to feel so full of milk and not give it to her! But, I'm also getting more excited for this next stage, to watch Ava become more independent, to be able to take all the aspirin and cold medicine I want (ha!), and to discover new ways to foster that mommy-connection with my little girl.
The sun is shining again today and it is going to get up close to 70 degrees which is also helping. I can't wait to dress Ava in one of her cute summer outfits and to finally be able to play outside again after a week or two indoors!
In keeping with my nostalgic mood, here is a picture taken one year ago today, when my life WAS breastfeeding. :)
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